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I have a lot to do. I have some projects to complete, decisions to make. I have to find a job. Decide where to live. What type of job to do. I have an inbox that is always full of crap to deal with. I always have 10-20 more notes to write. I am completely apathetic about the whole thing. All of it. Shrug. Apathy. So naturally, I am trying to self-diagnose my affliction. The most likely diagnosis is depression/anxiety and this makes perfect sense. My abdomen was in such a tangle of horrible - i mean terrible - abdominal pain at the end of my clinic session today that I thought I might have to do the unthinkable…. go to a doctor. I couldn't even stand up straight anymore. But thankfully, I pushed through and did something much more productive and useful… Yoga. Just think, I could be in a CT scanner or under the gooey eyes of an ultrasound probe right now racking up thousands of dollars of expenses. I maybe could have even gotten shot up with some narcs. Thank goodness I know better...

So i'm laying here thinking with my green tea and some music. A familiar pattern.. Having the luxury of time to think happens to me in cycles, as most things do.. I'm off tomorrow. Hallelujah. I have a lot of random and unorganized things on my mind lately, but none have been all that significant or clear, so they have all been limited to my bulging, pester-ridden journal.. The journal that I'm sure would prefer I find better things to do with my time.. Also, as a rule, I have much less time to write about stupid crap in the Winter. I am playing in the snow. Leave a message. I'll call you back when I have time. See you in the Summer. Dear Journal, I am merely writing for courtesy's sake so that you don't feel neglected. But there are things.. Things on my mind. I have a hard time with these moments that make you think, is this really "it"? Is this what my life is? They happen to me all the time. I've thought about this a lot and realize that I and...