Part lucky # 7. The Wedding Edition. Thoughts about weddings, marriage, and surrounding life stuff.

-

1. According to my calendar, I'm getting married in 2 weeks. Whoa.


2. I haven't lost 10lb. Or quit biting my nails. Or gotten my hair cut in 8 months. Or dyed out the new white strands of hair. Or had some expensive face skin peel to make me look younger. I still have never had a manicure or pedicure. Which means, I suppose, that I will be appearing at my wedding as "Em."
3. I think I'm old enough to say now that I understand something my mom told me as a young adult. Life milestones always feel strange. You look forward when you're younger and wonder who you'll be and what you'll think when you finally ______.. (move away from home, get married, become a doctor, lose a loved one, become an Aunt). And then it happens and you really are that same kid who wondered about it so long ago. It feels like a strange disconnect to me. Almost like it's not happening to you but instead there is a Narrator and and Actor of your life. And your brain is the narrator, but your body is the actor.


4. I wish I could find some peace and permanence in my decisions. I think the spiral is at least getting smaller and closer to the target.
5. "What if" and "if only" are 2 of my biggest enemies to happiness.
6. Weddings are really irrationally expensive. It's amazing how many of us conform to this model of celebration.


7. I fainted during my wedding dress fitting, and I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean. I haven't fainted often. I think it relates to standing for a prolonged period under states of emotional distress. (i.e. It has also happened to me twice during GYN surgeries as a med student.)


8. I'm not sure if I'm more uncomfortable with the actual "marriage" thing, or with the things to follow. Having my own family would be the first real change in my life. I think. (see #3).
9. Speaking of things to follow, someone recently told me that having children is the only irreversible decision you will ever make. No matter what your relationship is to your child, how long either of you live, whatever happens, you created another separate human life into the world and you can never take that back or change it. That seems very true.


10. The next closest thing I might add is "attending medical school."  It was a near-irreversible decision.


11. No experience is "a waste of time." Only not experiencing something.


12. My future husband is my best friend, which seemed to me to be the best fit for this type of relationship.


13. I never would have imagined marrying this particular type of person, but sometimes life happens around you. And he's better, so that's good.


14. I finally started watching Breaking Bad. And it is awesome.


15. I learned what "fisting" was while watching "50 Shades" the musical last night. How do I stay so naive and protected? Don't ask me why I was watching 50 shades the musical. Suffice to say, I will still not be reading the book.
16. Crossfit is not nearly as fun when you're injured and can't dump your blood, sweat, and tears into it.
17. I hate being the girl who cries post-call, but I am. Apparently, my default too-exhausted-for-this emotion is apologetic sadness.


18. Wedding guest lists are interesting to devise. It really drives home the point that family is constant.  Friends etc, with very few exceptions, no matter how important to you, exist in more snapshot windows of life.
19. It’s sort of ironic how planning a wedding involves making hundreds of decisions which have no importance or relevance to your life. Meanwhile, planning a marriage involves making one decision that will be the most important to your life.
Marriage is a ghastly public confession of a strictly private intention.
Ian Hay
20. I have always been, and continue to be, one lucky girl.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.
Friedrich Nietzche
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
Mignon McLaughlin
To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness.
Robert Brault

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Random thoughts, part 14: on death, love, and permanence.

-
Image
On death, love, and permanence.  1. The two times I have been touched by death - dad and paw paw - the thing that struck me most was how close they still were at that moment. They were right there, so close. Their bodies were right there, but their smell - gone. Their touch - distant. Their deaths were both so sudden, gone in an instant. My paw paw I was mentally prepared, but dad?? How was he sharing vacation photos with me just 3 weeks ago? How was he commenting on my photos the day before he died? How was he still warm and resting right in front of me when I had to say good bye, yet he was gone forever and couldn’t hear me? How did I not get a chance to tell him good bye and that I love him? Just gone in an instant.  2. My dad told me he loved me unconditionally. And I knew that. I hope he knew the same from me.  3. Dad,  I didn’t leave home because I reject it. I was just trying to carve my own way.   4. It’s not fair that his parents ...
Read more

Torres del Paine Patagonia Part 3: the “w” trek.

-
Image
Day 5: Refugio Grey - Refugio Paine Grande It’s Saturday morning. I wake up feeling better than I thought I would. My legs aren’t too sore. My cough is letting up. And now, I have 6 beautiful fresh tabs of Sudafed to use for the last 4 days of the trek. The sun is up outside. Things are looking up. There is a beautiful picture window next to our breakfast table where we can watch the birds fly in and out. There are a huge variety of birds in the park, and I wish I knew more about them. I can’t eat much at breakfast after watching my beans and rice come up last night, so I nibble. The hike should be easy today, 11km(7mi) and 3.5 hours, basically flat, over to Paine Grande. We pack up and say goodbye to our Australian friends. They’ll be heading out for some kayaking by the glacier today and possibly a glacier hike. I’m jealous of their rest day.  I’ll miss them.  We head out toward Paine Grande. I took one Sudafed with breakfast because I figure I won’t nee...
Read more

Mother’s Differential Diagnosis

-
Image
Is a broken heart a diagnosis?   You run ahead into the bathroom lone,  Stealing a quick glance as you disappear.  My heart leaps and aches, beating fast and strong.  My chest weighs heavy, squeezing and painful. I feel my heart swell when you reappear. Is this pericarditis? Heart failure?  Heart attack? Cardiomyopathy?    You frolic up the roller coaster ramp.  Choose your lonesome seat, scared but determined.  You lock eyes with me as the bar locks down.  Then you lurch forward as my abdomen  regurgitates to my esophagus.  I cannot swallow. It burns. Shallow breaths.  Is it GERD? Anaphylaxis? Panic?    You explore the block on your bicycle.  You look backward and wink and wave, I blink...  Did you leave? Turn the curve? Away from me?  Will the cars see you? Where will you pedal? Will you fall? Will you know what to do? My thoughts are paralyzed. My forehead throbs.  Is it a seizure? Aneurysm...
Read more