Part # 8. thoughts about pregnancy and life in general at this time.

1. Sort of shocked to pass my 6 month wedding anniversary 6 months pregnant. But I guess not really, because the main reason I wanted to get married was to have kiddos... And let's face it, I come from one fertile familia...

2. Randomly, I miss my pre-pregnant abs… a lot. 

3. It's difficult to decide what someone else's name should be.. i.e. my child... Which makes me think how difficult it will be to make so many other decisions that will shape another person's life..

4. It's so cool to grow a baby, but it's so uncool to expand in this manner..

5. Virgin piña coladas taste almost exactly like alcoholic piña coladas.. Like diabetes. And tropical humidity.

6. Going through a second residency sucks bad. Hope it'll be worth it in the end.

7. Sad, but not surprised, that almost all of my best friends ended up on the far West Coast. Miss them. It's just too far.

8. Speaking of, how the hell and why did so many people I know end up in Dallas of all places... ?

9. I recently learned that I can be extremely angry at someone while feeling incredibly sad for them at the exact same time…. Not alternating emotions, but at the exact same time. 

10. Not a single day passes that I am not reminded of how generous and loving my husband is to me.. which makes me grateful.. but not surprised..

11. I'm torn about how much time to take off after my baby is born. On one hand, you only have your first baby once... On the other hand, the sooner I finish residency, the sooner it is over. And potentially my one year old child will appreciate that more than my one month old child... I just don’t know. 

12. It's becoming fairly clear that either my baby will be very large when it comes out or I will... Or both of us.. All of which options are terrifying.

13. I completely lost my pull-ups. So depressing. I worked hard for those things! 

14. The Book of Mormon is still just too expensive to go see, no matter what the raving reviewers say. 

15. On the other hand, I will pay whatever it costs to see Les Mis for the 6th time if it is within a 50 mile radius of me. 

16. I now know what heartburn is. If you think you have had heartburn, but are not sure, you have not had it. It wakes you up at night and literally feels like your chest is on fire and nothing will put it out. During this pregnancy, I had heartburn for 2 days after eating lasagna. The real kind of heartburn. Now I know. 

17. Bioluminescent water was worth my time to see during this life. 

18. I really miss all the fun things to do in the West. It was a really fun lifestyle. 

19. I have always had an irrational fear of chiropractors. I finally saw one a few months ago after having severe sacroiliac pain for weeks and walked away completely pain-free. It was kind of amazing. 

20. I love the fall. It’s coming! I can feel it in the air! 

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Parenthood, like death, is an event for which it is nearly impossible to be prepared. It brings you into a new relationship with the fact of your existence, a relationship in which one may be rendered helpless. 

Rachel Cusk.